12/3/10

After I have woken up , put my clothes on , and walked downstairs to boil the water for the milo . The things you said to me , during the night , still ring in my head and heart . While I put the kettle on , I'll think about you . Sometimes I daydream that I will be in the school class and you will run to the door , come up to me , and grab me , holding me close . You have a look in your eyes more fervent than the brightest lights . In front of everyone in the class , you come up to me and take my hand , leading me away . That's all you have to do , no words need to be spoken . We would walk out , just walk away from the problem that we had , the drudge of knowing that we are supposed to be together but can't be . So much of my life today I owe to you . Do you remember the first time we met ? The seasons spent with you taught me more about myself than I had ever thought possible. Despite a lifetime of secrets and lies , I learned how to tell you the truth about anything and everything . And I learned that you wanted to hear it . Sometimes it was hard and it's not easy to always tell someone the truth , even at risk of hurting their feelings . But it was so important to me to do so , to tell you everything , to let you IN , that once I started telling you everything in my heart , head , and hands I never looked back . Thank you for being the love of my life, my greatest passion, and my dearest friend. I miss you every day . And to be honest , I would give absolutely anything to have you back . Sometimes, when my fantasies about having you show back up get to be too much , I have to put my head down and take deep breaths , because the ache I have from missing you is impossible to swallow over . The grief that we are not in each other's daily lives too great . When that feeling passes , I am able to just smile a bit and be glad that I have a love like you , a moment in time that is enough to keep me going for the rest of my life . I will always love you , always :) okay okay thats all for today . ciao ciao .