Wake me up from this bad dream

Goodmorning sayang! :) Its New Year's Eve and you're about to leave. I guess today's the last day for me to spend time with you before you say goodbye. I can all dramatic at times but I wont be seeing you for three months. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I'm not sad? I love you with all my heart. I cherish every moment when I'm with you.

I could be such a tool at times, hihi sorry baby. Remember our deal? Cover up your face when you get there, wear a mask or something! And that's a must ok. You are not allowed to flirt with other girls or even look at them...ok fine you can make friends there. But you gotta have limits, baby. But just like you said " its only 3 months". But things change, people change. But I hope when you get back, we would still be the same. I believe in faith, I trust you sayang. I trust you. I love you.

I know this post is not a really long post like I promised it would be but, I mean everything I say. I would sacrifice almost everything for you. But the faster you go, the faster it ends. I'll be here waiting for you to come home. Like I said, I'm going to be your hardest goodbye. And your sweetest hello. I love you Muhammad Aniq Zanudin, only you. Have a safe trip sayang.
Sincerely, your girlfriend.

Lover by day.

Hi baby, this is me invading on your blog. First of all, I would like to say that I love you with all my heart. And nothing in this world would ever cross my mind to leave you. Okay now, I'm gonna tell you a little fairytale of mine. Once upon a time,

I met this young boy. Well thats another story. I'll cut it short, I don't know how but we became bestfriends. And he called me his FLBF (First Love Best Friend). He said that ' I've never had a girl bestfriend before ' So I was proud to be his number one girl. Even if I was only his bestfriend. I never thought that I would actually date this monkey. He's the most weirdest guy I've ever met.

Now, I was really shocked when you confessed. But somehow deep down inside I had that same feeling. I just ugh. I just couldn't tell you. So I refused to respond to your actions. You've done a great job, you've been taking care of me. And it has been quite awhile. You have always been my shoulder to cry on. Any girl would be so lucky to date you. But too bad you're mine now.

The reason why I'm writting this is to cheer you up? I'm hoping that this essay or maybe an apology blog would cheer you up. I know I've messed up a few times and you were the one who had to put up with my damn slack all the time. I'm still working on this attitude of mine. Sorry sayang. I'm trying to put my ego aside for you. Its just that my temper, its all over the place.

Sayang, I'm sorry for everything I've done. I haven't been a very good girlfriend. But just so you know, I'm very happy. I'm extremely happy with you. I won't make any promises and say that I'll never repeat what I did again. No promises. No. Promises are meant to be broken. But I can assure you, that I'm trying my best to make you happy.

I love you, Aniq.

girl, dont change

You're my bestfriend, my companion, through good times and bad, through happy and sad, beside me you stand, beside me you walk, you're there to listen, you're there to talk, with happiness, with smiles, with pain and tears, I know you'll be there, thats why you're my bestfriend ♥

dear :)

Dear, hearing your voice brings peaceful comfort and a smile to my face at the mere thought of you. My heart beats for you alone, my darling! When our eyes locked for the very first time, you rendered me breathless. As each moment passes us by, I feel myself drawn more closely to you. My heart soars blissfully when I am with you. In your absence, I close my eyes and dream of your close embrace, our fingers combine with mine ♥

Im nothing without You and You're nothing without Me :')

hi , Im Aniq , Im still not Your everything and think I cant think why arent you falling for Me but I think You'll fall for Me , love Me . I think You and I have to sit together because You and I have to think about something . You and I must not think about the past bcs I think when You're with Me You're the Everything , and without Me you're Nothing . so I think this time is the greatest time to think about You and I " together " because when You're not with Me , You're nothing . so yeah , be with Me . think with Me . just think , and be with Me !

catch me because im falling ;')

I know I shouldn't start this , but there is no change to turn back time . I don't know what I am looking for since I have everything in my own . Happy life surrounding by my angels . Then in one point I let you in , and I thought I can allow you in just in my mind , because my heart has already full of love of my life . Then time passing by , you gave such a different color in my days , and I dont know when , but then I found you have already occupied small place in my heart . I enjoyed every little chats we have , every little calls , every little messages , definitely I enjoy everything about you . Thinking about you in my busy days is a nice thing to do . It is very tempting for me showering you with all attentions that I can . When I missed you , my heart is full of happiness and sadness in the same time , remembering our last meet , looked deeply into your eyes , i felt such a soft warm feeling flowing into my heart . I know you'll never be mine , not because you don't want me or I don't want you , but because I've already had a life . And I dont know what I am doing now with you . I just don't want to think about it , all I want is enjoying every seconds I can have with you . Only in that way , I feel I have you . If I have enough courage , then I want you to know , that I am falling for you . I love you . You'll never know how deep you go into my heart . Because for you , maybe it is just for fun since you know from beginning that i cant get you .

" I need a guy yg boleh fhm i , bukan aniq . But org lain . " - August 8 at 5:30pm

awesome ey ? :)

10/8/10

PRINCESS , you may have thought , in the last few days , that you had forever missed out on that life with me . That was not true . If at any time , you boldly stepped forward and stated that you wanted nothing more than a lifetime of love with me , you would have received a seemingly unending hug and a shoulder wet with my tears . Instead , you have made some relationship decisions that have troubled me . You are a good and trusting person , but I think you are also vulnerable due to the unresolved sorrows in your life . I am saddened that my love wasn’t able to do more to heal your wounded heart . It appears our relationship has dwindled down to a one way conversation via SMS -.- Although you may read them , I feel they don’t really reach you .  It has been very disheartening to be pushed out of your life for the sake of a rebound relationship with one of the walking wounded in the battles for love . I thought I accounted for more in your life . So , this is goodbye . I will miss you Princess , just as I have in every moment in the last 2 days that I have been away from you . My heart was never really satisfied unless I was holding you in my arms . I have loved loving you and being loved by you . You have grabbed hold of my love and embraced it like no one else ever has .
Please give me a call when life allows you to enjoy a warm hug , a good meal and one of our loving heart-to-heart talks on the couch . I will look forward to that day . If it ever comes .

7/8/10

Well , just for a moment , before I sign off for the evening , I would like to be serious and talk to you a bit . Usually every evening , we are able to talk . Sometimes , although disappointing when it happens , our time together can only be for a few minutes due to one of us being busy with other aspects of our lives . Then , there are the special times when we have the opportunity to spend the entire evening together and talk the night away . I have to admit that those are the  times I really love the best <3 I love being with you and sharing everything that matters with you . You always make me feel very special . I spent a lot of time thinking of a way that I could say goodnight a little differently and yet make it special . When I heard this song , I knew this would be the perfect way to express the way I feel , say goodnight , and bring a smile to your face . Making you smile , is the best possible way I can think of to end an evening with you when saying goodnight is sometimes so difficult to do . And now it seems to be that time again . Its time to say goodnight and get ready for a busy day tomorow . But this time , I will leave you with a smile . As I say " :) " Goodnight my love , sweet dreams and sleep tight my love . May tomorrow be sunny and bright and bring you closer to me . iloveyou <3

The coolest loser you'll ever meet .

Muhd Aniq is such a bitch . He's hot tempered , scary and weird . He says thank you whenever people talk shit about him ? What a crackhead ey ? Haih , what is happening to the world , man ?

People nowdays are so silly and fugly .
HEHEHE , nah Aniq (:
I love you maa , I'm your strength and weakness kay .

How can you not love me back , I'm cool like fire . And yes , I'm his FLBF . And Aniq is my bitch . So stay awaay (:

14/5/10

Girl i love you more than anything in this whole world . You're the reason that my life is so beautiful girl .Girl i need you more than the air that i breathe everyday please don't ever ever ever ever ever go away .Have you ever loved somebody so much you can't sleep? Every minute by your side is like heaven to me. Girl, everytime i look into your eyes i wanna kiss your lips and tell you a thousand times , you're more pretty than the skies of blue like the rays from the sun when i'm close to you . even with all these problems that we had to go through , i'd do it all once again just to be with you . Girl today is your day to shine forget what anybody says this is yours and mine . All i need is your touch and your loving everyday , and we gonna make this last til the end of always . Invite your friends and your family too , i want the whole word to know that i'm crazy for you , forget about your problems let me make things right and let me love you girl . I see forever in your eyes . you took me by surprise by the way you are . Never imagined myself feeling like this . You're the wish that came true from that falling star . You're the air that i breathe and everything i need the missing piece that completed me and put me back together when i was under the weather , You were the remedy that made me feel better . Everday is Valentine's when i'm with you . You're gonna be my girl , trust me baby .

28/4/10

HI ! today i had fun day . hmm , i played rugby just now . AND AND , i learn how to throw the rugby ball -.- isnt that lame ? haha :) very funny . Then , i played bola tampar . we lose 2 times straight in two weeks . im sad :( but but , we learn from mistakes . so , next week ill improve myself . TRUST ME :) okay okay . after school finished , we had a small fight with that sohai kid . haha , its good because we teach you some lesson to make sure you'll never accuse people for no reasons . die you idiot ! haha . thats all for today . bbye :)

1/4/10

Too many words left unspoken , Too many things left undone , Why can't it be and why can't I ? For all I know this pain deep inside , Took the gladness from my heart . Is this the pain of missing you ? Is this the reason behind it all ? Hear the agony of my heart , Longing for you and for your touch , Feeling your lips , feeling your face , Missing your kisses and warm embrace . When will the waiting ever be over ? For as long as were apart I can never be whole , Oh ! My Dearest Love , I just want you to know , That my heart is aching because I'm missing you .

30/3/10

You know that I'm a person of few words . I don't often say what is on my mind and even if I do , it usually doesn't come out quite right . But what I do not express verbally doesn't mean I don't feel it in my heart . I may not say I love you everyday as some do . I may not have empathized when you were crying out for understanding . And I may not have done the right things to make you feel loved . If you are going to judge me on these things alone , I know I have failed miserably . But if only you could look through my heart to see who it is beating for , you would know the depth of my love for you . My emotions may not show but a love that is mostly hidden like mine is always deep and eternal . My heart can accommodate no other apart from you and I know this is how it is going to be for the rest of my life . Expression-less I may be . Cold I may seem . But true love doesn't need to be shown . It resides in the heart just as how it resides deep in mine . And no matter the seasons that will come and go , it will be there withstanding the test of time . As I write this today , the words are hard to flow . It is not my nature to be expressive . But no matter what , I want you to know that you are loved and cherished . And I want you to know that I do care . My words will never be able to describe exactly how I feel so , let me end this with 3 simple words , straight from my heart I Love You . Okay Okay , thats all for today . bbye ciao ciao . XOXO .

20/3/10

I hate you . I hate you . Oh , how I do so hate you . My hate is pure . My hate is fierce. My hate is effervescent . I'm unable to explain why it fits this last adjective , but it does . I cannot deny how truly bubbly my hate for you is . If my hate had weight , it could be mistaken for a sumo wrestler . If my hate had sex , it would be the town slut . I hope by now it's become obvious how large and unwieldy my hate for you is . In fact , it's of such vast size as to be practically immeasurable . Or in other words , it is of measurable dimensions , but so big , so cumbersome that the time and effort required to measure it far exceeds the limits of my life . To finish , this will probably be the last post for you . I may write again , but fortunately my hate is very short lived . It's probably all the weight . that's all for today , goodnight . ciao ciao XOXO

12/3/10

After I have woken up , put my clothes on , and walked downstairs to boil the water for the milo . The things you said to me , during the night , still ring in my head and heart . While I put the kettle on , I'll think about you . Sometimes I daydream that I will be in the school class and you will run to the door , come up to me , and grab me , holding me close . You have a look in your eyes more fervent than the brightest lights . In front of everyone in the class , you come up to me and take my hand , leading me away . That's all you have to do , no words need to be spoken . We would walk out , just walk away from the problem that we had , the drudge of knowing that we are supposed to be together but can't be . So much of my life today I owe to you . Do you remember the first time we met ? The seasons spent with you taught me more about myself than I had ever thought possible. Despite a lifetime of secrets and lies , I learned how to tell you the truth about anything and everything . And I learned that you wanted to hear it . Sometimes it was hard and it's not easy to always tell someone the truth , even at risk of hurting their feelings . But it was so important to me to do so , to tell you everything , to let you IN , that once I started telling you everything in my heart , head , and hands I never looked back . Thank you for being the love of my life, my greatest passion, and my dearest friend. I miss you every day . And to be honest , I would give absolutely anything to have you back . Sometimes, when my fantasies about having you show back up get to be too much , I have to put my head down and take deep breaths , because the ache I have from missing you is impossible to swallow over . The grief that we are not in each other's daily lives too great . When that feeling passes , I am able to just smile a bit and be glad that I have a love like you , a moment in time that is enough to keep me going for the rest of my life . I will always love you , always :) okay okay thats all for today . ciao ciao .

11/3/10

hmm ,hi im aniq . today i woke up at 6.30 . then then , i go to school as usual . hmm , then then after finished schooling , i went to bayu (: i hang out with , ashree , fazrul , naqib petra and the others lah . eh eh , i love my friends (': haha , nvm nvm . okay okay thats all for today . ciao ciao . XOXO , iloveyou :D

27/2/10

i cant believe what you did . i want to close my eyes . i want to close my eyes . i want to close my eyes , and you just sit there with your friends , smiling ! you should be ashamed at your touch on me , i want to close my eyes . i want to fill the images of you with fire and blacken every thought of you with every ounce of bloodied stomach acid you made me swallow when you waltzed around and smiled like nothing mattered , when you graced me with a kiss you bitch i should have spit in your face and walked away and set that swing on fire so you'd know how it felt to be a few degrees hotter than you'd like with no way out except the rolling down asking for forgiveness . i should have been hateful , i should have been cruel . i want to close my eyes because you repulse me with every word that made me sweat and every move that filled me with love . i hope you grow fat like a hippo , grow old like your granny . i hope your life will be fulled of failure . i hope you never know a touch of happiness . i hope you end up miserable and alone then you'll know how you made me feel then you'll know why i hate you then you'll know what it feels like to kiss the person who has their foot on your throat then you'll know pain , hate , and loneliness , like you never wanted . and before i close my eyes i wanna see you crawl . okay okay , thats all for today bbye , ihateyou . ciao ciao

25/2/10

I told myself that God had forgotten me after a lifetime of pain and nights filled with loneliness she had no one for me to love just move on , it will be ok . And then I met you . I knew it was all wrong , but I looked into your beautiful eyes , and I let you in . Into my heart, into my friends , into my life .You gave me hope when I had none , a second chance . You took my hand and let me think about a life with a girl who would love me . Fantasy or foolishness ? this is what i get . It is so rare to find someone to connect with , someone to open up your heart to . When it finally , if ever , comes along , it should be cherished and prized . Love so sweet that the night , under the tree is not long enough for all the memoir's to be shared . I always said that after a lifetime of looking i would know her as soon as i met her . I would know she was the one . Hold on tight and don’t let her go. But then , You learned you were not free , to love , to share , to plan , to care . With each day you pulled farther away . My heart is now hard and filled with pain .You shut me out , pushed me away . This pain is just too much to bear . My heart aches for you . I’m begging , pls go away , i dont wanna see your face anymore , you're not going to be my ' battery ' anymore . When did I become this way? Why did I become this way ? Surely being alone is less painful than the humiliation of crying for a girl who doesn’t want me . Why God why ? Haven’t I cried enough in my lifetime ? What have i done ? so tomorrow is a new day . Springtime . The newness of the season . New beginnings . Just move on. It will be ok . Perhaps someday she will see that maybe I was the one that God sent to her . The guy for her to love , to cherish , to give her hope , to hold her hand . The guy who would never hurt her like the others before . Whose heart has known pain , and would never hurt this guy she loves . But life is all about choices . Let her go , Let her go , and cry for what could have been .Let her go , Let her go , and cry for what will never be . Let her go . Let her go . And be glad , not sad , for the short time we loved each other .

so , thats all for today . thnk you . bbye ihateyou . ciao ciao ciao .

14/2/10

hii , im aniq . happy chinese new year to my chinese friends . okay okay , this year and so on im not gonna celebrate valentines day . valentines day is haram for islam . today i went to sunway pyramid with ajoe , petra , syahrain , fawwaz , aboi , mole , and faris . and then , we pusing pusing sunway like stupid lah . dont know what to do . first first we plan wanna see movie , valentines day . then , mcm ramai orang so tak jadi ah . shit ! omgosh im sad . haha , nvm nvm . at least i can go out today . haha , okay okay , thats all for today . bbye . XOXO <3

28/01/10

hiii , my name is aniq . im from malaysia . and i'm going to write about what did i do today . okay okay , like this . first of all , i woke up at 6 a.m . i played dota for a while bfre going to school . because at school im going to study . bfre study must have fun first la . haha , dont laugh . its my way . so shut up bitch ! okay okay , and then i went to school . haa , i saw my new syg . wooh , she's pretty . seriously . and then kan , i mcm nak tegur dia , tapi segan . hahaha , what to do kan ? nvm nvm , as long as i see her everyday ill be happy . okay okay , and then i went upstairs straight to my class . 1st period was science . the botak guy ! woohh , i get to know to him since i was form 2 i guess , haha . he told me that he smokes "WEED" when he was in my age . haha , his cool man ! and then , i went to padang for pj , i played lompat tinggi , badminton and bola tampar . wooh ! the weather is like to hot , thats why i stop playing early today . okay okay , and then i made her cry today . wtf man ? she disturbed me with her annoying ways i dont care , but when i disturb her by my way she get upset . eh , i dont fucking care about you anymore la . you're 0% nothing to me now . so yeah , and then after finish school i ride my motor straight to home . i played dota for a while . then , i went out to pangking . and then , i went to 7days . i ate mee sup and it is super delicious . wooh , i ate with ajoe and his brother amierool as known as latt . haha (: i love both of you friend ;') and then , i went to nabil's house . i played guitar hero with lat and after playing guitar hero i start playing dota again and again . haha , i dont know why i cant get bored when im playing dota . eh , now im chatting with my beloved friend and her name is natasha . she wants to read my blog . haha , here you go natasha , read it from the beginning till the end . there is sadness moments & happiness moments that you'll find here . haha , okay okay . thats all for today . bbye everyone iloveyou <3 ciao ciao

27/1/10

hii , im back ! wooh . okay mcm ni . i woke up at 6.30 a.m today . quite early kan ? yeah man , i feel great because im ready to go to school . okay okay , today starts with a happy story . first i came to school , i saw my new syggg <3 . haha she's cute . seriously she's cute . then , i went up to my class to put my bag and i tak nmpk my old syggg ;'( wtf ? haha , my love towards has already loss at 95% . so , yeah relaxx . we'll gonna best friends forever . wooh . im happy , and then went down stairs to the assembly hall to write my name on a piece of paper for buku maju diri if im not mistaken . i dont even know what's the name of that book . sohai ! haha , nvm nvm . as long as i know i'll get that book im happy (: okay okay , and then , i went to my class to study as usual . haha , and then on the rehat time kan , i makan yong tau fu . i've already fed up with the same food , the same table because everyday i sat on the same table . its kinda bored right now . so yeah , i merepek - ing . so , haha dont laugh . stupid la if who is laughing . okay okay , and then i went up to my class back to study as usual . and 8th period my oldd sygg came in to our class . haha , im glad because i can see her during my studies time . because when i looked at her , i can feel better eventhough im on the bad mood timing . haha . okay okay , and then we waited for the form 1 sohai's to come inside the class . and then i quarrel with certain of the form 1 for doing such a mess on my class . do you wanna know why ? because everyone complain's to me about the form 1 students do this and that laa . so , i cannot tahan already . i have to fight for it laa . am i right ? okay okay , thats all for today . bbye all . iloveyou <3 ciao ciao .

26/01/10

hii , today i woke up at 7a.m . i took my bath and then i went to school . at school i watch form 1 & form 2 students having their sukantara thingy . i laugh at them because they cant even jump on 120cm height for lompat tinggi . they are stupid aren't they ? haha (: very funny *actually i also dont know how to jump (: haha . and then i learn from the small kids how to jump . i feel ashamed about that , so yeah everyone has their own weakness . so , just shut up if you're laughing . and then i went home . i called teacher rupaa to cancel my tuition . i felt very boring everyday tuition . stupid la . hw do you all feel if everyday you have 3 hours tuition without any break ? feel like shit isn't it ? haaaaa , sohai ! and then , i played dota for a while . i used od . the long name for od is obsidian destroyer . i like the name ;p haha , and then i went out for a while until now . so this is the first time in this "2010" i went to cc . so , im proud of it . eh , i miss my sygg alot . seriously alot , you wanna know why ? because she's my battery . i love her like shit , but what can i do now ? i just can pray to god to make sure that she's happy with her life now ;'( im sad seriously im sad . god , make me strong pls ? haih , okay okay . bbye that's all for today . iloveyou <3 ciao ciao (: muahhh .